I love my self

"I'm 20th I have a loved and loving husband. Problème that always follows me - I was overweight. My height 170 cm, weight - 69 kg - this is not a critical situation, but I'll try, food go in for sport. My husband loves me very much, trying to do everything for me and try me for my depression for imperfect image. It gives me no reason, jealous.

But when I see the eyes on a few girls, I am sad and in conflict with him. It seems to me that I'm the ugly one in this world. I unconsciously conflict situations. I do not know what to do. I can not live in depression because of my face, and I have for my man - I can understand that I lost because of my cries and criticism. Thank you to advise me, what to do. "

"I had one I never really loved someone (men), and I thought I lost that feeling. I have a friend, we have together for 2 years, I broke up with to 3 times during this time of trying with other people, then came back. Now we are together, I tell him I love him, but I know that is not true. I think I can no love at all? Probably not, as love starts from ourselves, and I can not love my body.

I'm still angry against me, if I have something very good, I try, for this feeling deep inside, I think, I do not get it. I visited the ball dances for a while, went to class like my partners happy, but stop dancing. I live with a sense of hopelessness, the feeling, I am not necessary for all know that the dances are just my dream, I gained weight (64 kg for 174 cm). I do not want everything, and still alive ... "

Each person has an image or a portrait of himself in his head unconsciously. An idea of himself as a personality. And in most cases, this view, unconscious, on the basis of past experience, the recruitment of others to us.

We are more and more like the personality that we identify. A man who thinks is a loser, is increasingly finding a base and the destruction of businesses, despite the efforts of energy. Our image of me changes more or less in the process of accumulation of experiences and practice. But our self-esteem does not depend on things that are in this experiment, it depends on our own assessment of events that to us.
Inferiority complex is often our findings, facts and events. For example, I sing badly. This is done, but it does not mean that I am a poor man in general. A person with rupture of the acceptance of reality can in a different conclusion: "I sing badly, I have everything that is wrong, I can not do, I'm a loser."

It depends on standards we. Feelings of inferiority, when we estimate the "maximum" standards for others. If we act, we are to secure second place. And as we assume that we have standards, we start to feel citizens of the second variety. This misconception appears as follows: "I would be glad someone else" or "I should, like all". That is why we try, as top models in the magazines "includes invent standards that we have to. But in fact: Is this common standard there? Often no standards of beauty like fashion.

Convictions of our behavior and emotions. And we appreciate the following events affecting our convictions. People with low self-esteem have a bad opinion of others opinion of them. They focus on negative aspects ignores good. Low self-esteem leads to feelings of incompetence or the opposition. Low self-esteem, and others, depression, the results of the assessment of the fraction of events.

The main types of mental errors that occur when a person has only a low self-esteem:

Maximization problem
It sees everything in black and white or color. A person thinking in the categories of "all or nothing", considers himself a loser, while the slightest deviation of things to its criteria. In this way, is destructive, as only 2 variants of the estimate can rarely achieved. Nobody can be unique or complete fool, either attractive or ugly. There is nothing in the extreme concepts.

If you try to live absolute categories, many reasons for resentment with himself appears. Majority of mental disorders in conjunction with low self-esteem are maximizing. If a person believes that life from a position of "all or nothing", it is ensured that its actions can be either large or value. Just results of this world - the laziness and passivity.

General conclusion based on facts
The only adverse event does not end as a "black" called. For example, a student with high marks for not considering, at the university. Plus, he builds his thinking on this: "I do not now, I will not always, and I am a loser."

Psychological screening events
A person who chooses only the details of the negative situation. For example, an examination of errors. They think of them all the time and you receive a bad mark. In fact, the only mistake is absolutely imperceptible in a beautiful part of the answer.

Disqualification positive

A person does not accept the positive and the impossibility, said that the negative impressions, despite their differences on real events. For example, you the compliments derision. Ie, you can always find something that you can, says the worst than others. You select only the negative information on each event. , So that you always confirm negative impression of your company:

"Your dress is beautiful"

"I guess it causes."

Negative interpretation of reality

It occurs because of ignorance of the reality of events or beliefs that the poor presentation always true.

A man decides that someone think badly of him and not try to understand the real situation. Feeling that people you prevent the normal process of communication. For example, a girl decides that all feel a part of their overweight and unattractive appearance and avoids each meeting. An interview partners with which this cold attitude, said it was not interesting for them and is in a hurry to.
Or a man think that something serious happens, and to ensure that this is certainly happened. Ie it focuses on a negative result. For example, someone have forgotten, you're the friend you call. You decide, he will not talk or even think that someone just forgot to say, the subject of your call. They determine a conclusion you boring if you surrender.

About treasures and Understatement

Overestimating the importance of good and bad euphemism. Effect of "Spyglass". Normally overestimate its own mistakes. You decide at any moment: "My appeal is damaged." And if you think your success, to another page: "nothing special". The two sub-evaluation of performance and estimation errors to ensure ill health. Especially if you compare with others. "Top Model The magazines are so thin, and I ..."," Marsha is really successful, and I can only small things."

Conclusions based on emotion

The belief that negative emotions from the reality of the situation: "I feel this, so it is true." Indeed, feelings thoughts, when are broken, and emotional facts do not match. For example: I feel guilty, it means that I have something wrong. One result of this reaction - is informed immediately.

For example, if you're worried about the communication, and increasing your excuse if you do not want to go on contact - a person is not, the situation is wrong, etc. If the communication, it appears that nothing is happening is terrible. Negative feelings are an impediment.

I ...
An attempt to motivate the situation from a position "It could happen and it can not happen" and complex causes of debt is a reason to despair. You feel offense, he feels depressed, because the things he does nothing. He falls in love with depression, because the inability to change anything. If his conduct is covered by the standards, then possible and impossible cause feelings of disgust for himself, a complex of guilt and shame. You can avoid it, if your needs to the reality and not try for your actions to the standards, other people seem to use.

Labels

The labels are self-image and views on others, the more negative the facts. This is an extreme form of the general conclusion of some separate, plug labels, instead of the description of his own mistakes or others. "I'm an idiot", "It is bad" - labels may be unfounded, as simple cases - these are the results of emotional projections. Instead of thinking: "I made a mistake", one thinks: "I am a loser." A woman ate the ice and is furious: "I'm a pig, I'm fat. We can not characterize our "me" with a thought. Life is complicated, everything flows and changes. A person is not like a monument. So a label is incorrect and-down report.

Responsibility for events that are not on you
This means that a base has caused negative events in you, and despite the fact that there is no possibility that concern them. We believe that these mistakes and omissions, that the negative situation. Responsibility for events that are not to create the feeling of guilt, his own impotence.

For example, a teacher finds that someone is sleeping on a doctrine. He thinks at once: "I am a bad teacher." But in fact, that person has no sleep for 3 days and only "closed." Teacher is not guilty, but it has the responsibility for this itself.

How to improve your self-esteem

Understanding for the fact that our actions, feelings and behavior are the result of our ideas and beliefs, the start-powerful lever of change in personality.

Create a realistic picture of your me

The first step, to the satisfaction of life itself and to create a fair and realistic idea of you. Since we live in a real world, an image of our ego, these realities. If your conception of itself and is stable, then you will feel calm and comfortable, otherwise you feel the anxiety and concern.

Make a list of advantages and disadvantages. Write points in a graph, the less - with others. Remember, the situations in which these characteristics. Particular importance to least - to consider separately, to ask questions: Is it true or not (who said, or why did you decide that you have less)? What are the facts that you confirm this? In what situations is it proven? Does this concern you in life? Other people have this quality? Does this makes them afraid?

Try to get the balance chart below graphs with properties of positive points. For example: I'm chubby, but nice and funny. Or: there are many women, chubby, but successful and popular. Bring your less positive side. You get your portrait, as strong and weak pages, which are small forts. This is what the evaluation of your real personality.

One more step - the composition is an image of a person you want. You need a person you want in you. This should not invented as Unreal image of you, as such concepts do not correspond to reality. Think about how you can present situation. It is likely that you are in for sport, training, communication, etc.

Its mission is your true self and save your photos of himself, for correspondence with an object they reflect. It is very important that the images would also be much lighter, more consistent experience. They must focus their attention on small details: sound, color, separate objects. They should arise, in real time. This exercise is the new information in a memory of your nervous system, using a new image of your ego. After training, you will be surprised to see that you have not already tried, but in another way.

Stop measuring your skills with other standards. They are not the worst, are not the best, you are unique. You now have a picture of your me and you live in correspondence with him. So, the only criterion for assessment of the facts - the internal standards.

Used to work at happiness

Happiness - is a mood, while those who have pleasant thoughts. Antiques Epiktet Roman philosopher said: "People are concerned not the events themselves but by their opinion on these events." According to other famous philosopher and poet Emerson R. terms, a measure of mental health is a habit, research on all the positives. If you prefer, light on the object of thought, it does not enter you live in glass pink. This form of positive thinking in your ego. They create a positive experience, on the basis to confirm your opinion of yourself for a successful person and how a successful person.

Habits - are the methods of the reaction that we have learned not to automatically. Not less than 95% of the things we specific behaviors, feelings, reactions are the result of habits do. We can change them. For this, you must practice new ways of reacting to events. In other words, replace a habit of constant criticism of himself and less seeking a habit of looking for positive aspects in all cases.

Set positive goals before you
If we ever go back on past mistakes and failures in our mind, an objective that is in the imagination and memory. When we change our view, adopt the past, reinforcing negative stereotypes of the past with its mistakes and failures loses its power over us. Negative but positive.

With the ability to remain away from undesirable behavior so that really makes you stronger. For example, if you like, thin and develop eating less incredible efforts by the authorities. But very quickly you slip and start again. The best way to habit - is it a clear picture of a desired result in the head and carrying out your goal win easily.